everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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