Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
