Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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