if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
