onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
