At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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