i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
