She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wanna go halves on a baby?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
