My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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