dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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