First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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