She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize