I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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