after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
