I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
