My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
