Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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