Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
