i just wanna soil my oats bro
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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