you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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