I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
