I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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