I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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