Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
