I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize