Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
