Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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