not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
