I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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