He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
