Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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