just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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