Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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