I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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