He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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