i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are the jesus of drinking
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
