i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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