my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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