Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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