she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
