You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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