My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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