That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
