The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
