If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
