My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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