Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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