my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
