Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
