Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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