and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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