someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You are a genius and a whore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
