worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
