I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
