Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
