i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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