Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Green mimosas i think yes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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