i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
