Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize