i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
smell my finger.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
