you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
