Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
