i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
