all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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