I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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