i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my liver is dry heaving
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
