They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
