2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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