it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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