wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
