My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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