The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize