worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
