why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
