I skipped work to stalk him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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