God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize