I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
