I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
