He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
