What did we do last night that was yellow?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
