There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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