I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
